My Parents

Madness, I’ve decided, now stands for my “Mom & Dad Never-Ending Self-Sabotage.”  How did that affect me as a child?  In ways more profound than the ocean and storms stronger than time itself.  Invisibly was always the safest cloak I wore to avoid danger in various ways.  My abuse started before I was six years old.  Don’t ever let anyone do that to you, your children, or anyone else.

I’ve now chosen to re-label the word “madness.”  To me, it now means “Marvelous Amazing Days of Never-Ending Self Support.”  This issue, this hatred of my parents and what they inflicted on me, must be released for my own mental health and physical strengthening. So here is what I said to my parents after they passed away.

“Mom and Dad – screw you.  I’ve over the harmful damage you did to me.  Bless your heart and bust my balls; I won’t pick you up if you fall.”

On a kinder note, one last thing.  Many thanks to all you “Fab Followers.”  Each of you is such a perfect reflection of kindness in my book.  You write and share “words” that are so lovely, serious, crazy silly, and downright awe-inspiring.  This comment may sound a bit corny, but I do love all of you.

Dr. Deb

Friends come in and out of touch,
Connection breaks or mends.
Struggling with being alone,
Rarely finds that place called home.

We wander through each daily minute,
Hoping to hear a caring voice.
Deadened air fills up with sticky sadness,
As the days pass when left alone.

Miracles happen every day,
One upon this very piece of paper.
A friend lost far too long ago,
Appeared amongst the lost and found.

I found my very best and dearest friend,
And tossed away my loss and made it found.
Our hearts connected with hands held tight,
Becoming Two Hearts of Gold & Silver.

A Poem Written for Candy by Dr. Deb

The Three Sisters

Three Sisters
My two sisters and I ALWAYS called ourselves “The Three Sisters”.
Both of them passed away at age 54 – Now I represent the three of us.
I’m in the middle.

I calmly gaze outside my window,
and watch the birds consider baths,
as wings of crazy flutters impatiently wait
for dawn to take their morning dip.

Why do human’s live with schedules
upon planned and scribbled lists,
when Nature in all her glorious beauty
brings us living creatures full of peaceful visions?

My ending thought is this my dearest reader,
let your schedules go unviewed
and simply choose to play,
but please try not to scare my birds away.

Dr. Deb

I’m Almost Found Again

Yep, crazy times, unexpected hardships, and way too many doctors hovering around me.
To begin to be “alive” on this site again, here is a poem I wrote to begin my “recovering discovery.”

Hearts of Gold & Silver

Friends come in and out of touch,
Connection breaks or mends.
Struggling with being alone,
Rarely finds that place called home.

I wandered through each daily minute,
Hoping to hear a caring voice.
Deadened air filled me up with sticky sadness,
As the days passed when left alone.

Miracles happen every day,
One upon this very piece of paper.
A friend lost far too long ago,
Appeared amongst the lost and found.

I found my very best and dearest friend,
And tossed away the losses and made it found.
Our hearts connected with hands held tight,
We Became Two Hearts of Gold & Silver.

Thank God I’m Back

See Ya in a Bit

See ya in early September sometime!  Surgery day is the 19th which is right around the corner now. I’ll be thinking of all you fabulous followers! Miss ya already!

Dr. Deb

My answer has always been “ok,”
No longer after this very day.
The plan is finally written,
Times selected for the date.

Where I finally arrive,
I don’t quite know.
As fear begins to slowly swirl,
Hidden deep within my soul.

Thirty years of fear have passed,
To soon be swept away.
Allowing other doors to open,
When I finally find my home.

Dr. Deb

Blocks

It seems one of the most interesting “blocks” we have as a human is being addicted to living in suffering for extended periods of time. Some people choose to live their entire life deeply buried in stress and loneliness while silently suffering. We have two options for living life – to live it actively or passively bury our heads in the sand. Passive makes us victims of others who make all our decisions about our life. Another words, they are bullies.

The second option is to develop a pro-active role in life, one where we feel our positive energy as it helps us select a life full of wonder and joy. We can then readily expand and grow through each and every experience and choice we make. The third option is to assist the ecology of our community. The amount of energy we give to those who help build a new culture for this world’s future is crucial.

Pledge to be an active participant in every moment of life. You get to choose what, where, when, and why. In that fashion, all of us get to enjoy life rather than dreading it.

Dr. Deb

Goodbye

No, I will not break because of you,
I will never make the mistakes I almost did.
I’ll not allow myself to fill myself with misery.
Safe could never stop my pain, yet I know I’ll never break.

By trying not to hurt again, myself has never lived like I have.
When no one is around, I cry my pain to sleep.
If I lose my will and way, it’s quickly pushed away.
But yet again, I’ll never cry, I’ll never break.

Weakness does not hide behind my eyes.
As I fake each and every day,
Who I really am inside.
A smile, a laugh, and saying I’m okay.

You will never break into my heart,
It never belonged to you anyway.
I watched myself die from grief,
So very young back in those days.

As you think only of yourself each day,
Know I’ll never let you in.
Because the time has now arrived
For you to finally see,
How little I miss you
.

Dr. Deb

The Spanish bulls were beaten; a crowd is soon begot
The matador is beautiful, a symphony and a star
Excitement becomes ecstatic
As passion plays its part.

Gracefully bowing to each ovation,
His hands applaud with slippery sweat,
As salvia fills his empty smile.

So dance, dance, dance,
Teach us to be true
Come dance, dance, dance,
Because we love you.

The life he lives crushed him into a liar,
Dreams ripped apart and tossed into a fire,
Rejection hidden from his sight.

For the wine of oblivion,
Had been drunk to the very dredge,
The merchants of the masses
Must now begin to beg.

So we dance, dance, dance,
and try to be true
We dance, dance, dance,
Because we love you.

‘Til the giant becomes aware of
Someone pulling on his leg,
The tapping at the door
Might really leave them dead.

Ignorance is everywhere
and people have their ways,
Success becomes an enemy
To the losses of each day.

Deep within the Church’s shadow,
Who knows what was really prayed
As the blood of murderous mayhem,
Has become the language of each day.

In time a message will arrive,
Full of all our hopes and dreams
That spreads across all lands,
As love and light begin to heal
The hearts of all mankind.

Until then, we dance, dance, dance,
because we know what’s really true
As we dance, dance, dance,
Remember, I love all of you.

Dr. Deb

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