Insightful Tornadoes

Have you ever had the feeling that the world around you was spinning faster than a tornado?  Do you sense your internal sky darken a little bit more every day?  Do you frequently turn around to see if someone is standing behind you that you cannot see, yet you continually feel their energy? Hopefully, I’m not the only one that feels those things.

That’s where I’ve been these past weeks – spinning within various tornadoes.  I’m not complaining because it’s time to ruffle up the feathers of my life before I do fall into darkness.  My mind touches my childhood stories for a bit, and then it switches to my book, then it moves on to the joy that completely filled my heart as I watched my granddaughter graduate last evening. Do inner tornadoes actually clean out the crude we’ve built up?  I think that is exactly what they do.  But it’s scary.

So, at 4 am this morning, I began to clear some crude out.  I’m still dizzy.  I’m still clearing.  Things are getting brighter as my eyes slowly begin to open.

Dr. Deb

Stepping Away

We never need to fear
the need to step away,
and drop the loads we carry
as our energy begins to sway.

We don’t need to fear our silence
when we want a moment’s peace,
to feed our listless mind and body
and grab a bite to eat.

Rest is not a sign of weakness
because it keeps us strong.
Like the winters on a river
and it’s crunchy frozen top.

Sometimes a shift is needed
to reveal what’s coming next,
as all the steps we’ve taken
created all our strength.

Dr. Deb

A Monks Message

I began to watch the movie “The Holiday” around 3 am, and of course, I fell asleep. The interesting part is the dream I had.  A monk was sitting in silence with me. The setting was a small bedroom type of setting. He began to whisper things to me that I could not understand verbally. Strangely, I did understand everything he said in both my conscious and subconscious mind. He held a scroll in his hand that he was reading from.  He tried to show me something, but the “item” disappeared before I could see it.  Suddenly, we had left the room and were walking through many rooms; some had monks sitting beside us ordinary everyday people. We stopped and chatted with a few of them, and the monk finished each visit by letting everyone know I was a student getting ready to graduate, but I was choosing not to be ready.

He shared out loud that “she doesn’t believe she can be ready; therefore, she won’t ever be ready.”  We then abruptly jumped into a kitchen setting, and he finally spoke to me with words I could understand.  At one point, we both laid down on a bed to take a restful nap. I was reading things in my sleep, but I don’t remember any of them.  We both woke and went to a higher level in the building and out onto a roof paved with gorgeous stone steps. We smudged, cleansed ourselves, and he pulled out a scroll.  He tried hard to help me understand and release my fears but could not do it.  He wrapped a robe around me and told the group I would be ready soon, but I must continue to walk the path of understanding a bit longer. The monk vanished into thin air, leaving me on the roof alone to watch the sky and wonder why I wouldn’t try.

The theme of the “The Holiday” movie I had been watched was about finding self in order to live authentically. I sometimes wonder why I don’t try to live that way. Maybe I’m lazy? Maybe I’m crazy?

Sadly, it’s because I still live under someone else’s thumb. Do you?

Dr. Deb

Finding Muchness

Muchness?  What the heck is that? In Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter told Alice the last time he saw her, she was “much muchier.” He commented that there was much more self and soul in her then, less doubt, and lots more courage. She actually did have a great deal of courage because she did, in fact, destroy the Jabberwalkie. That Jabberwalkie was the dragon her soul was hiding behind.

I think many of life’s journeys are about building up our “muchness” in order to permanently slay the dragons hiding within. It definitely wouldn’t be an easy thing to accomplish since we humans tend to bury our memories deep within our souls. Those hidden memories are in fact the food that feeds the Jabberwalkie.

Wondering what would be the best plan to get rid of our Jabberwalkies?

Don’t feed them . . .

Dr. Deb

Grief Keeper

Longing, loss, loss, and grief. Those are some of the hardest things to work with. I’m not only talking about the death of “a person,” it can be the death of a routine, a recipe you lost from your great-great-grandmother, a job opportunity you thought you had in the bag, or you just found out they discontinued your favorite brand of toilet paper. Grief is not something to be “cured” or “to get over.”  You have to live through it, grapple with it, smack it down, and watch it bounce back up and feel it tear your heart to pieces yet again.  The bummer in our society is we have been taught to deny our grief.  We can have it for a little bit, but not too long because we need to “get over it.”

John Green wrote the following in his novel, The Fault in Our Stars.  “The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me because there was no longer anyone to remember with.  It felt like morning the death of a co-rememberer, which meant losing the memory itself of the things we’d done together that were real and less important than they had been hours ago”.  That’s POWERFUL! I understand this quote to the tightest throat-strangling level.  I lost my entire birth family before I was 45; parents and siblings; my only child.  All my birth family that co-created my childhood memories have passed on.  Now, I’m the “Keeper of My Own Memories.”

Nothing seems to be normal in our world lately. We fear sharing the fear we all feel with all the COVID deaths that could potentially knock on our door. The experience of grief, no, actually the effect of grief, is something we need to reorient ourselves to . . . again.  That includes physical issues, emotional fears, and all those deeply hidden feelings.  I think a lot of us feel like “I’m grieving” has been stamped on our foreheads.

Remember, feeling lost can happen by “grieving” anything, not just self. Maybe you’ve lost a cherished item or are beginning to slowly lose some of your memories from aging. Or, you are in shock from learning you are terminally ill, just when you also found your spouse is cheating on you.  Grieving makes it easy to forget how to behave, where to park the car, or being shocked when we have moments where we cannot comprehend the meaning of a word – at all.  How do we pull ourselves out of the quagmire of grief? Very carefully and with a generous amount of gentleness.

I’ve created a new “F” word for society. “Forgiveness.” Forgiving can help release the pain of longing, loss, being lost, and feeling nothing but grief.  Forgive those who have passed away, the boss that didn’t give you your well-deserved promotion, and forgive your husband for watching football every Sunday.  Last, but not least, forgive your hairdresser for that ugly “doo” she gave you just before the wedding you needed to attend.

The bottom line is that letting go IS the best form of self-healing.  So, let all your crazy human feelings bounce around and just be your authentic self.  Remember to giggle and dance to your heart’s desire.

Hugs, Dr. Deb

Explorer of Time

I seek to be in the present moment
and break the bondage of my past.

I release others I may have held too tightly;
binding them with my own plans.

May I be in each moment completely,
and let it be done as I am born into the next one.

The only breath I breathe is the breath of now.
I cannot breathe the next one.
I cannot breathe the last one.
I breathe the breath of now and so I live.
May each moment be a universe, and I, an explorer within it.

Dr. Deb

A Proverb

A Master in the art of living,
Makes little distinction between
His work and his play.

His labor and his leisure,
His mind and his body,
His education and his recreation.
His love and his religion.

He hardly knows which is which.
He simply pursues his vision
Of excellence in all he does
Leaving others to decide
whether he is working or just playing.

To him, he is always doing both
every step of the journey, is his journey

Dr. Deb

Silent Tears

As I cry, deep inside, for one true love I am missing,
forcing tears that grip my heart to feel nothing.

With each breath, I feel past love with hugs and kisses.
Does he know? Does he remember?
Do tears fill his mind with remembrance?

My silent tears have closed my heart
and wiped his face from memories.
Yet I pray someday
He will ask if he can love me.

What would I say, upon that day?
Cry tears of amazement?
Would I simply walk away?
To say our love is gone forever?

Until that day, I cannot say
As silent tears still remain.

Dr. Deb

Believe In Yourself

I wrote this many years ago when I was teaching. The paper was a bit yellow and faded, but the words are still empowering.

Stop All Criticism:  Criticism never changes anything. Refuse to criticize by accepting yourself exactly as you are. Everyone changes; when you criticize yourself, your changes are negative.  When you approve of yourself, your changes become positive.

Don’t Scare Yourself:  Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts; it’s a dreadful way to live.  Find a powerful mental image that gives you pleasure (mine are white daisies).

Be Gentle, Kind & Patient: Be kind to yourself as you learn new ways of treating yourself as someone you really love.

Be Kind to Your Mind:  Self-hatred is hating your own thoughts. Please don’t hate yourself for having them.  Gently let them go.

Praise Yourself:  Criticism breaks down the inner spirit – praise builds it up. Frequently praise yourself and let “self” know you support it.

Support Yourself: Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. Be strong enough to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving to Your Negatives:  Acknowledge you created your negatives to fulfill a need. Incorporate new positive ways to fulfill your needs. Lovingly release your old negative patterns.

Take Care of Your Body:  Learn about good nutrition that fuels your body’s needs. Take a walk in the temple of nature.

Mirror Work:  Look into your eyes often. Forgive yourself for all things that need to be forgiven. Tell yourself, “I love you, I always love you.”  (Forgiving yourself can be a bit difficult, but you CAN do it.)

The above recommendations keep us in a calm state rather than a furious state. Learn to simply “be.”

Dr. Deb