Twinkle Stars

Stars are constant friends to me,
hidden they can be and sometimes seen,
to fill my mind with wonderings why
the stars can twinkle high up in the sky.

If I could fly with wings that soared,
my daily thoughts would not be bored,
because I’d learn from every star
how each one can shine so far.

But darkness falls as eyelids close,
from struggling out of all my clothes,
I tumble on the bed and sigh,
to watch the stars high in the sky.

Dr. Deb

Embracing A Moment

Oh, drats, Debs, try again. Don’t move this time. Breathe shallow, slowly, silently.  Don’t get lost in the mesmerizing ebb and flow of the twisting kaleidoscope colors frolicking behind the shuttered darkness of my eyes.  Ah… that’s it.  Very good, in fact. Relax into this moment and experience the sweet smell of silence and the taste of anticipation for yet another moment. Yes, this is it. The moment has arrived.

As I took my first somewhat shaky step onto the path of the following adventure, my mind created a succulent flavor for the crowning moment.  A lovely scent was paired with it to enhance the sweet smell of spring’s fresh breeze after a nourishing rain.  All feelings had been carefully wrapped around the taste of the rain as I spun them into a shimmering cocoon called “possibly safe.” The place where both the chance of defeat and/or sweet triumph continued to swirl and blend.

At this point, some folks might point out there seems to be something missing.  An expectation?  A reward of an outcome?  I decided all expectations were carefully avoided, ignored, obliterated, and ground down into tiny pieces to be shared with Mother Earth at a later date. This is about choice…all about MY choice because my timing mattered.

Oh my, the moment is about to arrive. My eyelids begin to flutter a bit as I allow just a hint of light to be seen. Before I open my eyes, I take the biggest and deepest breath of my entire life. I get lost in the feeling of air filling my lungs — I’m almost dizzy.  My body begins to shake just a bit while I consciously unlock my trembling knees, slowly open my eyes, and double-check the plan I created in my mind.  Ah, yes, the color green does hold quite a vivid flavor of “possible success,” alongside the coolness of its wintergreen mint color.  I feel a titillating breeze begin to blow through my hair as I sense the textures of the clothes against my skin – they feel soft yet somehow a bit irritating.

My eyes finally open and connect with my brain as I translate what I see into my childlike comprehension. The following events are forever branded in my soul because words cannot fully express the power of the “next” moment. To do what I did next was a bit risky for a child. I was five years old, and it was my first day of kindergarten. I had already endured several suffocating hours in a room with total strangers while trying to understand the meaningless words the teachers were saying. On top of all that, I had just been released from the hospital after yet another beating from my father.

My survival fully depended on the next few moments. I stepped into the hall, pondered my choice yet again, and decided it was, in fact, my only salvation. The next step was correct, authentic, and absolutely necessary.  I peaked out the door and stepped out into the hallway, looked both ways, and with total confidence I…

reached up and pulled the fire alarm.

It’s amazing how fresh, clean air feels when walls disappear

Dr. Deb

Everything above is true – yes, I really did pull the alarm

The Michigan Courts immediately removed my two sisters and me from
our birth parents and placed us in foster care.
Both parents were not allowed to be alone with us again
– they both died of alcoholism –

Sassy Ash

From life’s experiences and subsequent healings, everything seems to begin and end right between the ears. That’s where the entire universe seems to reside – within our minds. Letting go of mental limitations sets us free from the need to limit ourselves. We all know we can heal ourselves when we make our minds up to do so. That theory was easy to write—excruciatingly difficult to do.

While walking the path to finding our authentic selves, a question popped into my mind. What would we do with the ashes of our memories if we could destroy them with fire? Study them, move them around, try to make sense of the patterns formed by the ash? Toss them in the wind?  I like all those unique out-of-the-box ways of thinking.

So I decided to kick the ash out of my life and become “sassy.”

Dr. Deb

Pushed

Where have my words gone?
Did they leave me from its boredom?
Has the rain washed them away?

The sky is clouded with loneliness
As am I, when I cry, but not today
No need to put on my fake smile.

Today, the birds are singing
With songs of Spring’s arrival
As a smile appears across my face

While the cat drools for a bird
Protected behind the glass
I now know Mother Nature
Has pushed me off my ass.

Dr. Deb’s Humor

Believe In Yourself

I wrote this many years ago when I was teaching. The paper was a bit yellow and faded, but the words are still empowering.

Stop All Criticism:  Criticism never changes anything. Refuse to criticize by accepting yourself exactly as you are. Everyone changes; when you criticize yourself, your changes are negative.  When you approve of yourself, your changes become positive.

Don’t Scare Yourself:  Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts; it’s a dreadful way to live.  Find a powerful mental image that gives you pleasure (mine are white daisies).

Be Gentle, Kind & Patient: Be kind to yourself as you learn new ways of treating yourself as someone you really love.

Be Kind to Your Mind:  Self-hatred is hating your own thoughts. Please don’t hate yourself for having them.  Gently let them go.

Praise Yourself:  Criticism breaks down the inner spirit – praise builds it up. Frequently praise yourself and let “self” know you support it.

Support Yourself: Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. Be strong enough to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving to Your Negatives:  Acknowledge you created your negatives to fulfill a need. Incorporate new positive ways to fulfill your needs. Lovingly release your old negative patterns.

Take Care of Your Body:  Learn about good nutrition that fuels your body’s needs. Take a walk in the temple of nature.

Mirror Work:  Look into your eyes often. Forgive yourself for all things that need to be forgiven. Tell yourself, “I love you, I always love you.”  (Forgiving yourself can be a bit difficult, but you CAN do it.)

The above recommendations keep us in a calm state rather than a furious state. Learn to simply “be.”

Dr. Deb

Easter Bunny Rabbit Time!

Easter, which celebrates the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, is not on a set date every year as most other holidays are. It is always celebrated on a Sunday immediately following the Paschal (Passover) Full Moon date of the year. Easter is the Sunday after the first full moon on or after the day of the vernal equinox. The dates for Easter can range from March 22 through April 25 in western Christianity. The Paschal Full Moon can vary as much as two days from the date of the actual full moon, with dates from March 21 to April 18. (Vernal has to do with spring; equinox is the time when the sun crosses the equator, making night and day of equal length.)

The day before Lent, known as Fat Tuesday, is the last fling of food and fun before the fasting begins. Lent begins on Ash Wednesday, a time when ashes were used to make the Cross’s sign on the forehead of the believer. Then, the week preceding Easter is known as Holy Week and includes Maundy Thursday, which commemorates Jesus’ last supper with His disciples; Good Friday, which was the day of His crucifixion; and Holy Saturday, which focuses on the transition between crucifixion and resurrection. Next, the fifty-day period following Easter Sunday is called Eastertide; this includes a celebration of Jesus’ ascension into Heaven. The word “Lent” comes from an Anglo-Saxon word, “Lenten,” meaning spring.

The Easter bunny was said to have been introduced in America by German settlers arriving in the Pennsylvania Dutch country during the 1700s. According to legend, the Easter bunny brings baskets filled with colored eggs and candy to the homes of “good” children on the night before Easter.  It was also a custom for the children to build brightly colored nests, sometimes out of their caps or bonnets, for the bunny or Easter Hare to place eggs in the nest if the children had been good. (Sounds as though this custom could have been borrowed from Christmas, doesn’t it.) The first edible Easter bunnies were made of pastry and sugar and were introduced in Germany during the early 1800s.

As we think about the significance of Easter, we should consider the real meaning of this season. Spring itself is a time for awakening, renewal, and a new beginning.  Even though Easter is a serious and thoughtful time of year, all of us can enjoy hiding Easter eggs and have family gatherings to celebrate as we are reminded of the significance of the season.  Unfortunately, an unexpected issue clouds Easter just a bit because of the new rules regarding the pandemic. Hopefully, we will soon see our lives improve as we get closer to how things were before the Coronavirus interruption.

Happy Easter, everyone! Here comes the “sugar rush” from all the candy!!!

Dr. Deb

Graduate!!!

It says . . .

“Dr. Debbie Engelmann has completed a 9-Month+ GIFEW (Global Institute of Extraordinary Women) intense transformative program developed exclusively for women leaders that have expanded her potential to make a worldwide difference in the world through synergistic collaboration.

Her intention is to live an authentically integrated life as she fulfills her purpose of leaving a legacy of having helped expand the understanding of conscious natural healing, non-judgment, compassion, and courage to the world.”

Roll and enjoy it time 🙂

Ghost Dreams

Many people can relate to having a dream – a massive one that they keep buried deep within their soul. Our mind takes those dreams out to look at them and turns them around to examine their curves and surfaces. The dream may get polished up a bit, brushed off, then tucked right back into the dream pocket of our souls. The dream goes everywhere with you because it exists every moment of every day. Sadly, the dream remains unfulfilled.

Occasionally, your unrealized Ghost Dream will try to remind us that it is still alive as a dream. When the “ups and downs of life” happen to take a nose dive into the low lands, you might decide your Ghost Dream is incredibly crazy, so you consciously toss it away – at least you think you did. Ghost Dreams know better than to let themselves be thrown away – all dreams are intricate parts of self. Your dreams will patiently stay put in your comfortable dream pocket to remain deeply hidden within your soul.  Your dreams patiently wait until you walk out of the low lands of morose and depression to head toward the summit of Ghost Dream Mountain.

One cannot walk up a flat mountain. Mountains, by definition, have slopes waiting to be climbed.  Ghost Dreams seem to live at the very top of dangerously rocky mountain tops. To bring a Ghost Dream to fruition and savor the emotional bliss of seeing it again can become a reality for the very first time.  Each painful step you have taken around all the obstacles the mountain put in your path towards the summit must be felt.

Realizing a Ghost Dream can only be earned – not achieved. There will be countless skinned knees and shattered illusions along the path of earning a Ghost Dream. The lessons will cling to the soul like heavy wet clothes because, at any given moment, your Ghost Dream may suddenly turn into a puff of smoke and drift away. Anger and tears may come. You may slip off the mountain path. You may be hurt.

Control, that thing we humans do countless times a second, will delay earning a Ghost Dream. The controlling mind says, “I tried so hard to make it happen – but damn it, it didn’t. WHY?” We slip into fear knowing how broken and unworthy we must be because we control rather than allow. The best method of achieving a Ghost Dream is to give up control. To allow it to unfold exactly when it should – to be birthed at the correct time. Send loving thoughts to that comfortable dream pocket in your soul and say, “Okay, any day now is good.  I’ll be right here waiting.”

Thankfully, the safe, comfortable dream pocket where Ghost Dreams are kept just happened to be lined up with Hope. Hope blows away all fear so your dreams can clearly be seen. With each Ghost Dream earned, those mountain summits you climb will be far below as you begin to soar. The feelings and images of your Ghost Dream blasting into reality will forever be an amazing snapshot in time. Tuck that snapshot away, stamp it “Earned,” and begin making your next Ghost Dream a reality.

The simple message here is that all of us with Ghost Dreams deep within our soul can set our dreams free.

Debbie

Invictus

The poem Invictus is a favorite of mine.  Hopefully, I won’t bore you by sharing too much poetry.

Invictus
William Ernest Henley – 1849 – 1903

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

What an immensely poignant poem. I first read this poem in a book that was lying on top of the television I was watching when President John F. Kennedy was shot and killed on May 29, 1917. I was 9 years old, and I already loved to read and write—especially poetry. Poetry is what soothed and healed my soul when, well, let’s just say things got bad for me. That’s why you see a bit of my own poetry on this site.  Thanks for reading; thanks for listening. It’s good to be heard.

Dr. Deb