Mental Flossing

“Self” is a tough thing to fix.  However, “fixes” are only accomplished by taking a good hard look at how we think. This is done by visiting our minds to specifically observe how we have trained ourselves to think and who we believe we really are.

Many people feel there isn’t time to practice self-care. They secretly feel they don’t need, or more likely, don’t feel they need self-care. Their “norm” is that other people, places, and things must come first.  This type of “thinking” is actually part of what is called the “martyr complex.” It can become a very unhealthy, painful way to think and live. Been there, done this.

Three things help kick-start the process of breaking free from the “I come last” belief system.  Journaling is suggested and beneficial during this process.


This is the most important yet difficult step. It requires practicing being HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Everyday thinking can become camouflaged by what we think others are thinking. That is not our personal truth – it’s their truth.  Learning how to be honest with yourself requires deep courage and a strong desire to be an authentically empowered individual – not as an extension of anyone else.


Begin to take responsibility for all the decisions, feelings, and life events you create in your life. Here again, this step can be painfully difficult. By choosing to be responsible for your actions, you accept what you will and will not do in your life.  Choose to learn what your “no exceptions” beliefs are. This type of honesty allows you to honor every little step you take, no matter how difficult.  You learn how to do this by honoring WHO YOU AUTHENTICALLY ARE.


Always remember to VALUE YOURSELF.  When you learn to respect, love, and honor yourself, you must learn how to say the shortest, most avoided word in the English language. NO. Say”NO” to anything that doesn’t serve you.  Especially blaming yourself for self-deprecation thoughts.  Saying NO builds confidence.  This victory will empower you to begin speaking your truth easily.  You become powerfully comfortable in your own skin.

Authentic power has its roots in the deepest source of our being – it cannot be bought, inherited, or hoarded—it’s all about choosing how you feel and what you’ll do as you live life.

Wishing you wisdom, love, and joy – and lots of honestly.

Dr. Deb

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